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👀 My Fears are Taking Center Stage 🖤

"Let your dreams be bigger than your fears, your actions louder than your words, and your faith stronger than your feelings."... These are truly words for me to live by, so inspiring and resonating with how I am feeling. I am going to break this quote up and try to put my feelings into words that will hopefully make sense.

"Let your dreams be bigger than your fears". I have so many dreams in my heart that I have all but given up on. Life just kind of got in the way, and I found every reason not to pursue them. When I was diagnosed with PD, my life as I knew it very quickly began to unravel. The control I used to have over my body was suddenly failing. I began to realize that certain people who I thought were my friends and truly cared about me, really did not. Everywhere I tried to get help led to a dead end between too much medication and too many Dr.s. When I finally found my present Dr. I felt like maybe I would start to feel grounded again, after the debacle of what I have been through to get to this point. I truly am in the middle of a tug of war between fear, confusion and feeling lost. There have been so many changes in my life since my PD diagnosis. I have lost my way (or should I say the way things were before PD). I am certain that the DBS surgery will catapult me into new very positive waters. Those dreams that I had long ago forgotten about are starting to reappear in my thoughts, but I can only focus on one thing at a time right now and that would be taking the steps that are needed before I can actually make an appointment for the DBS procedure. The thought of what the surgical team is going to do to my brain while I am asleep terrifies me. But I have to keep my eye on the "prize" at the end of this rainbow. My life back with less meds and symptoms under control.

"Let your actions be Louder than your words". Even though I am talking to close friends and family (and now writing about) how frightened I am regarding the procedures (and I truly am), my actions will clearly speak much louder than my fears ever will. Verbalizing my feelings helps me to deal a little better with my fears. Although I am very fearful (after all they will be working on my brain), I know that the choice to go forward is mine and mine alone to make. I have everything going for me, and as my Neuro Surgeon pointed out.... I am the perfect candidate for the DBS, because I am young, in great shape physically (thank you Pilates) and the meds are working really well. I have to remember that when I land of the other side of this, I will feel so much better and the quality of my life will only improve!

"Let your faith be stronger than your feelings". It is ok to be scared (it is a normal human reaction to the thought of brain surgery), but I have to have faith (which I have plenty of), that all will work out for the best. My faith will definitely be tested, but I have to believe that all will go perfectly. It is in these moments when all we see is darkness surrounding the unknown, that we must look past our fear and think about the wonderful outcome. Breathe..... Just Breathe.....

Faith gets me through 💚

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