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💔 Grief and PD 💔

Today is Sunday, December 27, 2020. It breaks my heart to announce that my favorite uncle in the entire world has gone to Heaven. He was 81years young, still very active and only semi retired. He died so suddenly and has left me in complete disbelief. If you have ever lost a loved one, then you understand how grief and emptiness feel. When you have PD on top of grief, it can be really challenging (I am quickly finding out just how challenging). This is the second time I have had to look grief in the face with PD. The first time I was faced with major grief was three years ago, when my beautiful mum went to Heaven. I had been diagnosed two years before that and at the time, my symptoms were pretty mild. My mum's final resting place is in Canada, so it was a very long trip there and back. Amazingly, even with a plane change half way through to get to Winnipeg, I did remarkably well. Under the circumstances, I was very concerned about how my body would handle all the stress I was about to endure, once I reached Winnipeg. The entire 5 days went flawlessly. The only issues I had were some rigidity and slowness, especially when walking. However, I do remember tightening up the day I flew back to the United States from Canada. I had a plane change in Vancouver from Winnipeg. I was already stressed when we landed that by the time I disembarked from the plane, I felt very rigid and slow. If you have ever had to change planes at the Vancouver airport, then you know how HUGE that airport is. I literally walked from one side of the airport to the other to catch my next flight. Even though I was literally moving at a snail's pace, I insisted on walking the entire way (courtesy of my inner Warrior). I am a Canadian citizen, so they stopped me at the border and put me in a "special line". They take their countries safety very seriously (which they should). As a Canadian citizen going back into the United States, they wanted to know why I had been in Canada, and exactly why I was going back to the United States. They also wanted to see my passport and Green Card. Keep in mind that I had just taken off my shoes, as well. Before PD. this type of process was just a bit bothersome in my travels. But now with PD, I became completely overwhelmed and could not for the life of me, find my passport or Green Card. At this point, my right hand was shaking almost uncontrollably and I became extremely overwhelmed and ended up dropping everything on the ground, including my wallet which of course opened and all my credit cards went flying. The two officers did not look amused. I finally told them I have PD and I need some help. Lesson learned.... Stay away from the Vancouver airport, as everyone I came in contact with there would not raise a finger to help me, but instead gave me dirty looks, even though it was clear that I needed a little help.

Fast forward to now. Upon hearing of my Uncle's departure, I just went into shock. Yesterday we had a memorial for him on Zoom beginning at 11 am, because of Covid. Even though I cried buckets upon seeing my cousins faces and continued to cry on and off for the two hour service, I faired really well. While the service was on, my body stayed peaceful and I felt very calm. However, right around 4:15 pm, my body started to tighten up and I still had an hour and 15 minutes left until my next dosage of Rytary. So I quickly broke out my inhaler and then went to rest in my bedroom, until the rigidity passed. But the problem was that we had another memorial service at 5 pm and my body was so rigid that there was no way I could sit up until the Inbrija kicked in. I ended up not attending the second zoom service, as I felt pretty sick.

It is now Monday December 28, 2020. I am happy to report that I slept really well last night and was able to do Jane Fonda's challenging work out this morning! If I would have had to be there in person for the memorials, my body would have fallen apart much earlier, due to all the angst. I am very pleased at how flawlessly my meds are working. My best advice to you when faced with grief, is to take care of you first and not worry about what others may think. In other words, do what is best for you and you first. This is where we have those teachable moments with others to give them clarity on what we are feeling. Any questions? Just ask!


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